Twitter: @EverBluexo

aslkjasdlkjadGAAAAAH!!!

Just brought tickets to the advance screening of Twilight.
Will be seeing it Wednesday the 3rd @ 7pm!
Then Sunday the 7th is the Twilight convention.
Then Monday the 8th is the pre-screening with the cast! - which are the only 'premieres' that are being held in Aus!
Super excited!

Okay.. so.. I'd held off on making a decision on what I thought of The Jonas Brothers until I'd heard a complete song or found out a little more on them and having just watched them on Oprah, I'm without a doubt not a fan..

They don't come even close to Hanson in their interview skills and I believe that if they hadn't been picked up by Disney, they'd be nothing. Hanson did it all pretty much on their own and worked the hard yards themselves but the Jonas Bros have had everything handed to them on a silver platter titled 'Disney'.

I'm not against Disney in ANY way - but yeah.. I'd like to see the Jonas Brothers do half as good as Hanson without their support.

I took a step in changing myself today. A pretty big one I think.
I joined Contours this morning after doing a free session. I've decided that I'm finally ready to do something serious about getting my life together. I need to do it for my physical and mental wellbeing. I can't keep taking so many medications, they're going to have a bad effect in the long run. Especially the warfarin - I HATE putting rat poison into my body every day because that's what it is essentially. It's made from the same stuff as rat poison. But it's a small price to pay to not get more blood clots because let me tell you, those things are scary buggars. I don't wish them on my worst enemy. Especially ones that pass through the heart - THAT felt like a heart attack, they actually THOUGHT I was having one at first but then discovered that it was just clots - but most of you reading this know that already so I'm going to shut up about it hah.

But yeah. I'm really going to turn my life around and try and regain some of the confidence I used to have - most of you wouldn't even believe the person I used to be was me. I was confident, bright, bubbly, and wouldn't hesitate in befriending strangers in a supermarket. haha. In my defense though, I HAVE improved greatly over the past couple of years. I've gone from not being able to leave my house to traveling to the other side of the country for almost a month. I'm able to go out by myself. I'm back to driving. I'm feeling more alive.
I just have to work at spending less time sitting here in front of this computer. It was good while I was in a really bad way, but now I've gotten stuck in a rut where I wake up then come on here. Spend all the time that I'm home here, sometimes just sitting in my deskchair with iTunes on random when there's no one to talk to. I should really move all the stuff off my couch so I can use the darn thing! But I have my life centered around my computer and I know it's not healthy. I know that it's partly why I'm getting such bad headaches again, my neck and back are out of alignment and it's made worse by bad posture from sitting so much.
I am trying though to spend less time here. I'm getting up and walking around the house or I'll go in and spend time with mum or I'll go out and visit someone. But it's still so hard 'cause I AM stuck in the comfort zone of relying on the computer for my entertainment and social needs.

This is getting longer than I'd anticipated it to be so I'll end it now - partly because I want a cup of tea and I've already boiled the kettle a couple of times to make it, but keep forgetting what I was doing! I'm getting old, I swear.

Hope everyone is well!

XO,
Bella.

I'M HOME!!!!

Just got my tickets to Kelly in the mail but plans have changed and I've decided to go to Perth a week earlier and see Mandy TWICE with Ben Lee in an intimate setting rather than once with Kelly in a stadium.
SO I have two tickets that I have to sell - if anyone is interested just let me know. I paid $85.50 for each but will sell them both for $150. If someone took them off my hands it would save having to figure out how to list on ebay! haha

Soooo....

Just brought tickets for Kelly Clarkson! Wasn't going to go see her seeing as it's so close to going over to Perth - BUT BUT BUT it was announced today that MANDY IS SUPPORTING!! [insert an extremely ecstatic bella here] So of course I HAD to get tickets.
Only upper level was left but I don't care - I'm going to see Mandy live - it's just totally made my whole day.. week.. month.. YEAR haha - now I have to figure out how to meet her because I swear. THAT would be the ultimate in ultimates and my life would be complete.

In other news. My birthday is this month and it scares the crap out of me to realise that I'm going to be one year closer to 30.. I never thought I'd be single when I was 28 years old but I guess things don't happen the way we expect them to. I'm okay with being single though - I know that my special someone will come along when I'm least expecting them and will sweep me off my feet and I'll get the happily ever after that I've dreamt about for so long.

But for now. I'm focusing on me and getting to know the me that I've had hidden for so long. I deserve to be happy and I'm just now realising this.

Hope everyone else is doing well!

XO

I just brought an iPod!!

My newest addition.. a VERY much needed and welcomed one.. Everyone, meet ( Bunny )

I got her on Thursday off some friends for a really good price. Dad paid for her so I'll be slowly paying him back but yay for having wheels again!!

Hope everyone is well. I have a toothache that is of the evilness.

I've been meaning to update with something for awhile but eh.. I just haven't been in the mood to do anything. I mean besides - life is uneventful.

Mum is doing okay - sort of.. Her hair started falling out on Wednesday and she's almost lost it all already. All after only one treatment. Her second one is this Friday and then another 5 months of treatments to go. She's staying positive though, I honestly don't know how she's managing it so well.. If be a complete mess - especially at losing my hair..

Went to Melbourne the other week, got there Thursday afternoon and came home Monday. Friday, Casey and I had our glamor shots that we'd booked 6 months ago and it was such a blast. The girls were awesome and did such a great job at putting us at ease and my makeup looked amazing - and lasted until Sunday night *laughs* The photos looked so great and it was hard narrowing it down to the couple that I could afford to buy but I did and we're just waiting to get the prints now.
Friday night we went into the city - well, we started off in Box Hill for dinner then headed into the city. Hit up Elephant and Wheelbarrow - decided that it wasn't what we wanted so left after 20 minutes and headed to Trader bar where we proceeded to spend a rather large amount of money.
We'd planned all along to go for Karaoke but the place we had originally been going to closed at 1:30 so after a phone call we had the address of another so off we trooped to Chinatown.
First place we went to wanted $40 a head so we were like.. uh.. how about NO.. so we, and might I add, most of us were rather tipsy at this stage, headed off down some street to where we started to head into what I discover was the Ding Dong and I had a moment for all you Melbourne girls ;) and we almost went in.. I actually got to the door before we were called by one of the guys in our group to the karaoke place a little further down and there we stayed until they kicked us out at 4:30amish.
Stood on the street taking photos for awhile then realised the rest of our group was in Hungry Jacks so it was icecream time then it was into the spaz bus for the ride back to Box Hill - getting home about 5:45am..
It was much fun apart from the fact I was getting a horrid cold and my throat was on fire and I felt like death - but at least I looked good.. right?

The only other thing that's been going on with me is well.. I might have myself a 'friend'. Well, I do have a friend - I just don't know if he's a friend. Time will tell. He seems to be a genuinely nice guy - he's from Queensland, 27, a Panel Beater by trade.. Spoken to him on the phone once so far and he's softly spoken and so lovely. Met him through Jan, a childhood friend of mum's - she's playing matchmaker and I'm looking at going up to visit them next month, all depending on how mum is and well.. if he writes back! I'm not expecting anything from this, I'll be happy to just have a new friend but if it turns into something more then I'm not going to complain or argue about it. Only thing that is annoying, he doesn't have the internet and he's too shy to call (I spoke to him at Jan's house) so it's old fashioned letter writing for now.

OH OH Mandy's Album is out tomorrow.. *looks at time* TODAY rather - well in the states it is, no release date for here yet. I've had the tracks for awhile now but I can't wait to get my copy of the actual album - SIGNED by Mandy. It was shipped on Friday so hopefully it'll be here this week.
Also, her film 'License to Wed', so-starring Robin Williams and John Krasinksi is out here July 19th. Which just happens to be two days after Ben's album is released!

I think I need to stop typing. I'm slightly delirious and when I get like this I can't stop talking and seeing as no one is online for me to talk to - apart from my contact at Custard Records (Ben's label) - and I don't think that it would do me any good to dribble a load of crap at her.. I need to keep a somewhat sane image if I'm going to help further my sites profile with the 'bigwigs'!

Hope you're all doing well.. it feels like I haven't talked to most of you in forever. My MSN has been on crack lately and won't sign me in during the day, only signing me in after midnight/1am so if any of you want/need to talk to me you can always email me or if you have AIM - add me on findyourwayxback.

I'm off for now.
~Bella.

Just wanted to let anyone know that was wondering, Mum's doing okay.
She came through the surgery well and lost just over half her breast - the surgeon said that the tumor was bigger than he expected but he's confident that he got it all.
She'll be having radiotherapy for sure, we're still not sure about Chemo.
I haven't spoken to her yet but will be going up to see her once Dad finishes work tonight.

Thanks to everyone who's kept her in their thoughts, it means a lot.

~Bella.

Today marks fifteen years since my Nanna passed away, it really doesn't feel like that long and I haven't stopped missing her one little bit. She was my favourite person and I loved her (and still do) so very very much.
She was my dad's mother and he was her baby and favourite so that made my sister and I her favourite grandchildren. She used to cuddle me and tell me that I was her special girl and that she loved me and the highlight of my week was going to her house and on school holidays, we'd go and spend a night there and we'd get extremely spoilt by Nanna and her husband, Syd. My favourite teddy bear, Basil, who still sleeps on my bed every night was given to me by them when I was about 8 or so and I know I'm going to cherish him for the rest of my life. I could write more.. go into details about the time that she spent in the Austin Hospital in Melbourne and how we went every Wednesday night and Sunday morning to see her and then about her time back here in Bendigo, but I know that if I do I'll just upset myself even more than I am already. So instead, I'm going to post up some of my all time favourite pictures of her and I.

( Edith May Watts )

I hope you liked the pictures. I need to find more, but seeing as my scanner is dead, I can't scan them anyways *laughs*

On the Mum front. She's booked in for a partial mastectomy on May 1st, she'll be losing almost all of her right breast and hopefully that will get the whole tumor and it won't have spread anymore. Thanks for all the thoughts, it means a lot to know you all care.

Love you all,
~Bella.

I just wanted to write something here to let anyone know that may have been wondering or anything about why I'm not myself lately.. Why I haven't been talking.. why, when I do talk, I'm not the same..
My mum has just found out that there's a very very strong likelyhood that she has breast cancer. She had a scan last week and they found a large mass that is 'worrying' in the words of the Radiographer and they're pretty sure that it's going to be cancer.
I'm trying to not focus on it, trying to think of other things for her sake as well as mine and we're trying to keep it light and joking but I really can't think of other things right now. Anyone that knows me, knows how much I love and rely on my mum. She's such a strength and I'm the biggest mummies girl that there is.
So if you could all keep her in your thoughts it would be greatly appreciated and please don't be offended if I'm not talkative or a bit distant.
Love you all.
Bella.

x-posted lj, gj, myspace.

Bella - (1:02 AM):
she's said before that she would like to shave her head
it scared me

Mellie - (1:02 AM):
if she did I'd GLUE IT BACK ON

Bella - (1:03 AM):
lmfao me too
after i stole some of it to make myself a merkin

Mellie - (1:03 AM):
ROFFFFFFFFFLMAAAO

Bella - (1:03 AM):
omfg

Mellie - (1:03 AM):
oh god lmao

Bella - (1:03 AM):
that has to be posted somewhere
i'm posting it on my lj

Mellie - (1:04 AM):
lmao yes.

*whine*

Why must I be taunted and teased with goodness like this WANTSWANTSWANTS - I REALLY wish they had any other payment options because I would SO be all over it like.. woah.. Either that or I could just live in the US. hah.

Oh wells. Sucks to be me.. right?

Just a quick post to let you all know I'm headed off for two weeks. I'll be back on the 21st but if you want/need me feel free to email (bella_pie@hotmail.com)or call/txt me (0422 935 970) love you all!

Shelley and Aimi - I'll see you soon!

~Bella

"He's a man who looks after.. stuff.."

Howdy all!

Well another year has passed and it's time for resolutuions and all that crap and I never usually make them - because well.. they're made to be broken.. right? But anyways.. while I was up in Quirindi I came to the conclusion that I'm not going to see out another year single and alone. I'm determined (but not desperate) to find my special 'someone'. That person that can make me smile no matter what. That person who can accept me for me.
In order to do this - to find this person - I need to make a few lifestyle changes or more to the point, health changes. I want to get off my medications. I want to be able to go shopping in 'normal' stores and 'normal' sections of department stores. I don't want to be the 'DUFF' to all my other friends (for those who don't know = DUFF = Designated Ugly Fat Friend - the person you want around to make you look better). I'm GOING to become healthier.. mainly for the whole 'not wanting to die thing.. you know.. when your surgeon tells you that you have to lose half your body weight or die, you kinda get a bit of a wakeup call.. only thing is I let myself lose my motivation and that fear I had from the death scare and I want it back. I want to start losing weight again - I don't just want to I need to.
I want to be able to fly to Hawaii in August and be comfortable - well, as comfortable as you can be in an economy seat! And I don't want to have to worry and stress the whole way that I'm getting more clots.. also, I want to be able to go to the beach and be comfortable and not feel like people are going to call Greenpeace and tell them about the beached whale. hah.

Anyways. Moving on.

Quirindi was great, it's a gorgeous little town about 68kms from Tamworth. Had a really nice time catching up with everyone I hadn't seen for five years and I met some new nice people too. They all want me to come back up and visit again so I'll have to do that later in the year. Also, the certain someone that I was worried about seeing.. well.. he came down to visit and the feelings that I've had since I was like.. 6 are still there *laughs* But yeah.. I'm going to keep in touch with him - he's going through a hard time right now and could probably do with a friendly ear every now and again.

Not too much is happening - only a little trip to Perth next month! Going over to see Mellie and see Evanescence! wheeeee! I can't wait! Flights aren't too bad at the moment - $540 return on Qantas - money that I was going to buy a 30GB iPod with lol oh well - I'll just save a bit longer so I can get an iPod and then of course all the super awesome Hello Kitty stuff with it.. if only they had Tinkerbell iPod stuff then I'd be set! I thought about getting it from apple.com so I could get in engraved but I'm not fussed anymore lol I just want one!

It's a shame I couldn't head over to Perth earlier and go to the MCR show as well as be there for my birthday - but this way i'll be able to stay longer! Plus Casey and Leise are (hopefully) coming up the 27th and 28th to keep me company.. the 27th would have been my anniversary.. but yeah.. *sigh*.. BLAHBLAH I promised myself I wouldn't think about that. It's times like this that you need a mental eraser.. or a labotomy..

Okay.. I'm off - hope you're all doing well.
Love you allll!

Just popping in real quick to let you all know I'm headed off in the morning - in like.. 7 hours time - Maybe I should sleep.. hmm..
I hope you all have great holiday weeks - enjoy the time off work and eat lots of yummy food and drink and be merry.. isn't that what you do this time of year? eat, drink and be merry? I wouldn't know! hah!
If you need - or on the off chance that you actually WANT to contact me, I'll have my phone and will be able to check my email (bella_pie@hotmail.com) on it - couldn't get msn to work.. well.. I COULD - but it was going to cost too much - stupid Telstra - turns out it's cheaper to sms (+61 422 935 970).

I look forward to catching up with you all next year.. kinda bizarre to think that it IS almost 'next year'.. ugh.. know what that means though.. only a matter of weeks until I turn 27... that sounds so old.. probably because it is.. ugh.. shoot me now?

Love you all! Be safe and try not to party too hard!
~Bella.